COMPLETE WWE RAW REPORT!!

We are now less than three weeks away from Wrestlemania, but before we get there, we need to see who will be the Intercontinental Champion. Will it be the guy who was in the movie that a few people saw in the theaters, the guy from the movie that went straight to DVD, or the guy who is a rock star? What will Triple H say in response to Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman’s challenge for Wrestlemania? Now that CM Punk has poked the bear from HELL, what will Undertaker do to get his urn back?

We are in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and your announcers are Jerry ‘What about the Primanti Sisters’ Lawler and Michael ‘How would I look with Troy Polamalu’s hair’ Cole.
John Cena makes his way to the ring and he has something to say.
He says that there must be some Rock fans in the audience tonight. It is loud on both sides. You have twenty days left to pick a side. Since he stands in the middle of a sold out house divided, he has a message for all of the Rock fans. It is the same message he gave to the Rock a few weeks ago.
He says that Rock’s time is up and his time is now. That is a bitter pill to swallow but he says that because all they have is right now. Starting with the Royal Rumble, it has been a tidal wave of momentum. For those who stuck through the hard times and have been by him, he will not guarantee a victory. Cena says that he is ready for Wrestlemania and he points to the sign to prove it.
Darren Young and Titus O’Neil come out and Titus says that Cena is not the only one ready for Wrestlemania because the Prime Time Players are ready for Wrestlemania. Titus says that he is Rufus Pancake.
Cena mentions that we are in Pittsburgh, the home of the Steelers and Penguins. There are some great doctors who deal with multiple personalities and they will help Titus.
Titus says that the only medication that the WWE Universe needs is the Prime Time Players. Darren says that they put the ‘E’ in WWE Entertainment.
Titus and Darren do the Millions of Dollars Dance and Titus hurt his hip.
Cena says that they have something and they are making him smile. Cena says that their timing is a bit off. Cena says that maybe they will get it right after Wrestlemania.
Titus says that the people don’t want to see him at Wrestlemania. They want to see the Prime Time Players.
Titus says that people say that Darren looks like John Cena. Darren should be on the cover of Cocoa Pebbles. Titus says that his gout has flared up and he is a few days from his first Social Security Check and Friday is bingo night. Darren will tear John limb from limb.
Darren says that John will be crying and weeping on the ramp, the loser he is, just like last year’s Wrestlemania.
Cena asks if that is what it is all about. Cena tells Darren he steps in the ring and he will show Darren what it is like to be ready for the main event of Wrestlemania.
Match Number One: John Cena versus Darren Young (with Titus “Pancake Patterson” O’Neil)
Cena with a punch and he sends Darren into the turnbuckles and then he hits a bulldog after an Irish whip. Young goes to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Cena waits for Young to get up for the two flying shoulder tackles and the Blue Thunder Bomb. It is time for the five knuckle shuffle and he hits it and then gets Young on his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment and Cena points to the sign first and then he gets the three count.
Winner: John Cena
Michael Cole mentions that John Cena is not the only person who is ready for Wrestlemania. The Undertaker returned last week and he will face CM Punk. Undertaker is on Raw tonight.
Michael Cole mentions the tensions between Mark Henry and Ryback. We see what happened when Godzilla faced King Kong in the ring on Smackdown, only to see The Shield attack Ryback. Then Mark Henry tried to send Ryback through the center of the Earth with a series of World’s Strongest Slams.
Ryback is walking in the back and he is ready to be fed something.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: Ryback versus David Otunga
Ryback runs Otunga into the corner and then he chops Otunga a few times and then he punches Otunga. Ryback runs into a boot and then he connects with a boot to the head and a kick to Ryback. Ryback with a running body block and then he spins Otunga into position for a power slam. Ryback with a running clothesline and then it is time for the marching muscle buster and the three count.
Winner: David Otunga
Ryback says that him, Randy Orton, and Sheamus are going to tear The Shield apart. As far as the World’s Strongest Man is concerned, they will cross paths again before Wrestlemania. When that time comes, it will be feeding time.
Mark Henry’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring.
Vickie Guerrero and Teddy Long try to stop Mark from doing anything with Ryback. Teddy tells Mark to wait a moment.
Vickie says that Ryback is out of the six man tag match. If Ryback wants to wrestle at Wrestlemania, he will face Mark Henry.
Ryback appears to be in a good mood because he picks up David Otunga and carries him around the ring on his shoulders before hitting the marching muscle buster.
We might have a new match for Wrestlemania, but we have a Contract Signing between Brock Lesnar and Triple H.
Tout your stipulation choices.
Fandango will be debuting tonight . . . okay, probably not, but he will be walking onto the stage one more time.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Fandango now has a golden shower curtain to come through before he dances.
Fandango makes his way down the ramp.
Fandango tells Stretch that it is quite obvious that he is far too stupid to pronounce his name correctly. Maybe they let the beautiful, sensual Canadian slice of heaven Natalya give it a try. She tells Khali to get him.
Fandango says that tonight was the night when you almost got to see the debut of Fandango.
We are back and Damien Sandow has something to say after they silence his music. Henry David Thoreau says rather than love than money than fame, give me truth. He is rolling over in his grave right now with that man in the ring calling himself R Truth. Judging by his appearance and action, the ‘R’ stands for ‘Repugnant’.
You’re Welcome.
Truth says Thoreau was quite a poet and he has some poetry. Your beard is weird and you talk a lot, I’ve got four sweet words for you. You’re gonnna get got.
Match Number Three:R Truth versus Damien Sandow
Sandow with forearms and then he connects with knees to the midsection. Sandow with a knee drop and he gets a near fall. Sandow with a reverse chin lock. Truth with a punch and a sunset flip for a near fall. Truth with a clothesline and then he punches and kicks Truth.
Sandow with a suplex and he gets a near fall. Sandow returns to the reverse chin lock. Sandow with knees to Truth followed by a side Russian leg sweep and then he hits the elbow of disdain and he gets a near fall. Truth with an elbow and clotheslines. Truth with punches to Sandow and then he connects with an uppercut.
Truth with a head scissors followed by a leaping leg lariat. Truth with a kick and then he hits the scissors kick. Sandow goes up the ramp and he goes to the back and he gets counted out.
Winner: R Truth (by count out)
Cody Rhodes is in the back watching with the Bellas and they comment on the mustache. Kaitlyn interrupts and she says that she has a thing later so they can’t hang out. Kaitlyn tells them that they can have the mustache. She tells Cody he can have theirs.
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Kane beating CM Punk due to Undertaker’s chicanery. Then we see CM Punk returning serve and the RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION shown by the announcers.
Undertaker’s gong sounds and the lights go down and he makes his way to the ring.
Taker tells Punk that he sealed his own fate last week when he decided to make this personal. There is no escaping what will happen to him at Wrestlemania. Taker says that he will hurt him, and he will hurt him bad. Punk has one chance to save his soul. Taker says that he wants that urn back.
There is a voice that sounds slightly like Paul Bearer and it is CM Punk playing ventriloquist with the urn. He says that he couldn’t hit the high notes. Paul’s death wasn’t a personal loss, it was a professional loss. At Wrestlemania, if Taker gets counted out or disqualified, it is still a loss.
Punk says that Taker is the best at Wrestlemania. Taker is the best in the world at Wrestlemania, but Taker has never faced Punk before and he is the best in the world 365 days a year. Taker answers to a higher calling and he has powers. Punk says that he is a higher power. Punk says that he will not say that he was born to beat the streak or that it is his destiny.
Punk says that he will endure whatever pain Taker wants to befall on him. Punk says that he will beat the streak and he is the one who will end the undefeated streak at Wrestlemania. Punk says that he is the ‘1’ in ’20-1’. Punk drops the urn and fortunately the top did not come off. Punk tosses the urn in the air some more.
We go to commercial.
We are back and a new name will be added to the Class of 2013.
We take a look back at why CM Punk is a wrestler and not on the Harlem Globetrotters.
Match Number Four: Epico and Primo (with Rosa Mendes) versus Kane and Daniel Bryan
Kane and Primo start things off and Kane with knees and an uppercut. Primo is forced to the floor and Bryan tags in and he tells Kane to calm down. Primo hits Bryan from behind and he connects with knees to the midsection. Primo with a side head lock and shoulder tackle.
Bryan with a knee to the midsection. Bryan sends Primo into the turnbuckles and it is time for Kicks of No. Primo with a sunset flip off the turnbuckles but Bryan rolls through and kicks Primo to get a near fall. Primo with a kick and Epico tags in. Bryan with an arm drag and arm bar.
Bryan with a back body drop to Epico and then Primo gets in the ring to distract Bryan and Epico with a knee to the back that sends Bryan to the floor. Epico gets a near fall and then he sends Bryan into the turnbuckles. Primo tags in and kicks Bryan. Epico tags in and they switch places but continue with the kicks.
Primo tags back in and he hits a drop kick and gets a near fall. Primo with a side Russian leg sweep and Epico with a slingshot senton for a near fall. Bryan with a snap mare but Epico with a clothesline for a near fall. Epico with a punch and then he tags Primo back in. Primo with a splash to the back and then he gets a near fall. Primo with a reverse chin lock and Bryan tries to make the tag but Primo stops him.
Bryan sends Primo into the corner and then he tags in Kane. Kane with clotheslines followed by a back body drop and a running clothesline into the corner. Kane with an Irish whip but Primo gets his boot up. Primo charges at Kane and Kane with a side slam. Kane punches Epico and he goes to the floor. Kane goes up top for the clothesline.
Kane signals for the choke slam and AJ’s music plays and she skips to the ring in her Kane outfit.
Primo gets a near fall with a rollup. Kane grabs Primo and then he catches Epico as he comes off the turnbuckles. Bryan with a drop kick to send Primo to the floor. Kane with a choke slam to Epico for the three count.
Winners: Kane and Daniel Bryan
After the match, AJ stares at Bryan and Kane before skipping to the back.
Chris Jericho is in the interview area and Josh Mathews asks him about the Intercontinental Title Match. Chris says that he has held the Intercontinental Title more than any other person. Tonight he gets the chance to make it ten. They are on the way to the Showcase of the Immortals. From the Rock to the Undertaker to Y2J.
Fandango interrupts and Chris wants to know if he has anything to say. Chris asks him what his name is and he tells Jericho. Chris calls him FanDumbo. FanDjango. FanSweetMango. FanDingoAteMyBabyO and more plays on his name.
Fandango says that was funny and Christopher will learn to pronounce his name properly. Chris say that he never got to order his tickets for Dead Man Down.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole mentions that Natalya and Alicia Fox just came back from Rwanda. We see footage from their trip.
We see footage from Del Rio being attacked from behind by Swagger on Main Event.
Match Number Five: Cody Rhodes versus Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez)
Cody with punches to Del Rio but Del Rio with a rana and kick. Del Rio with a wrist lock and punch to the shoulder. Del Rio gets a near fall but Cody with a kick and drop down uppercut. Cody with a head butt and punches. Cody with a hard Irish whip and a boot to the chest. Cody gets tossed into the air by Del Rio and Del Rio with a kick to Rhodes for a near fall.
Del Rio tries for a suplex but Cody blocks it and hits one of his own. Cody chokes Del Rio in the ropes. Cody with a figure four head scissors. Del Rio with a back body drop and Del Rio charges into the corner but Cody moves and Del Rio hits the ring post shoulder first.
Cody with a snap mare and an elbow to the injured shoulder. Del Rio with a savate kick followed by a snap mare and kick to the back. Del Rio with a drop kick to the knees and Rhodes hits the apron before going to the floor. We go to commercial.
We are back and Rhodes with a forearm and kicks. The referee pulls Cody out of the corner. We see footage from the commercial when Cody hit Beautiful Disaster off the ringside barrier. Back in the ring and Del Rio with a slam and then he goes up for a moonsault but Cody moves and Del Rio lands on his feet but his knee gives out. Cody with a clothesline and kicks. Cody focuses on the good knee.
Cody puts Del Rio on the turnbuckles but Del Rio blocks the superplex. Del Rio with a gourdbuster but he lands awkwardly and both men are down. Cody and Del Rio exchange punches. Del Rio with clotheslines and then he avoids a clothesline and Del Rio with a tilt-a-whirl back breaker.
Del Rio with a super kick for a near fall. Del Rio signals for the cross arm breaker. Cody wit a punch to the midsection followed by an elbow and he hits a moonsault and can only get a two count. Rhodes is sent to the apron and then Del Rio with forearms to the kidneys followed by the lungblower for a near fall.
Del Rio sets for the step up enzuigiri but Rhodes moves. Del Rio stops short and then he applies the cross arm breaker and gets Rhodes to tap out.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
After the match, Del Rio is attacked by Jack Swagger. Ricardo tries to help Del Rio but Swagger with a snap mare and he throws Ricardo to the floor. Del Rio with punches and he goes back and forth with Swagger. They go through the ropes and Del Rio kicks Swagger in the chest. Del Rio sends Swagger into the ringside barrier. Del Rio sees Colter standing a few feet from him.
Del Rio loses his focus on Swagger and that allows Swagger to hit Del Rio from behind. Swagger sends Del Rio into the ring steps. Swagger sends Del Rio over the announce table.
Swagger attacks Ricardo again and he applies the ankle lock and Ricardo screams in pain.
We go to commercial.
We are back and we take a look at the attack by Jack Swagger on Alberto Del Rio and then on Ricardo Rodriguez.
We see footage of Ricardo being stretchered out.
It is time to see the newest inductee into the Hall of Fame: Booker T.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole tells us that Ricardo Rodriguez’ ankle was broken by Jack Swagger.
Match Number Six: Randy Orton and Sheamus versus Heath Slater and Drew McIntyre (with Jinder Mahal)
Drew and Sheamus start off and Drew with punches but Sheamus punches back. Drew with a kick but Sheamus gets Drew on his shoulders for a rolling fireman’s carry slam. Orton tags in and he hits a leaping knee drop. Orton with an Irish whip but he runs into an elbow. Orton with a drop kick. Sheamus tags in and he hits the forearms across the chest from the apron. Sheamus with the slingshot shoulder tackle for a near fall.
Sheamus blocks a hip toss and then he hits a short arm clothesline. Jinder distracts Sheamus and Slater tags in and works over Sheamus. Drew tags back in and Drew with a boot to the head for a near fall.
Slater with a jumping side kick for a near fall. Sheamus with a double sledge to Drew from the turnbuckles. Orton tags in and he hits two clotheslines on Slater and ducks a clothesline from Slater and hits a power slam. Orton sends Slater to the apron for the IEDDT. Orton looks around and Sheamus with a Brogue kick to Drew and then to Jinder. Orton twist to the mat and hits the RKO for the three count.
Winners: Sheamus and Randy Orton
After the match, The Shield’s music plays and they come to the ring. They surround three sides of the ring but that leaves one side for Big Show to make his way to the ring. Dean Ambrose is not happy at this development.
The Shield go back into the crowd.
Show points to the Wrestlemania sign and leaves the ring. Randy Orton and Sheamus have a content look on their face because maybe they have found a new tag team partner.
We take a look at footage from the new GI Joe movie featuring The Rock.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Seven: Kofi Kingston versus Dolph Ziggler (with Big E Langston and AJ Lee)
They lock up and Ziggler works on the arm but Kofi with a reversal and arm bar. Kofi with a series of arm drags and an arm bar. Ziggler with a kick and punch. Ziggler with a side head lock take down. Kofi with a leaping back elbow to Ziggler and then he leaps into the corner but Ziggler moves and Kofi appears to have hurt his leg.
Ziggler gets a near fall. Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall. Ziggler with a reverse chin lock. Ziggler does a headstand to add extra pressure. Ziggler with a kick but he misses a Stinger Splash. Kofi with chops to Ziggler followed by a drop kick. He misses the leaping clothesline. Ziggler with a sleeper but Kofi escapes. Kofi with a springboard twisting splash for a near fall.
Kofi with a leaping clothesline and then he hits the Boom Drop. Kofi sets for Trouble in Paradise but Ziggler catches him. Kofi lands on his feet on a suplex attempt. Kofi with a pendulum kick. AJ distracts the referee. Kofi goes for a splash on Ziggler but he bounces off Langston and goes down.
Ziggler with the Zig Zag for the three count.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler
After the match, Daniel Bryan and Kane come out and Daniel Bryan is going to dazzle us with his comments. He congratulates Dolph on being the only person to finally to get him and Kane on the same page.
Kane says that he is not in a good place now. They have seen what Langston can do outside the ring, but what about inside the ring? Kane challenges Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston to face them.
AJ says that her boyfriend and Big E Langston accept their challenge . . . if an only if they put the tag titles on the line at Wrestlemania.
Bryan and Kane accept the match.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to look back at Undertaker’s comments to CM Punk.
Since The Rock cannot be here this week, we have a video package.
Match Number Eight: Miz versus Wade Barrett versus Chris Jericho in an Intercontinental Title Match
Barrett punches Jericho and then he punches and kicks the Miz. Jericho hits Barrett from behind and then hits a back elbow for a near fall. Barrett misses a clothesline and Jericho clotheslines Barrett over the top rope to the floor. Miz with a rollup on Jericho. Miz knocks Barrett off the apron and back to the floor. Jericho with a pescado onto Barrett and Miz and Jericho checks on the pulse of the crowd.
Jericho rolls Barrett into the ring and he kicks Barrett. Barrett with a punch and head butt followed by a forearm. Jericho with a drop kick for a near fall. Miz trips Jericho and pulls him out of the ring and runs Jericho into the apron. Miz slides in and gets a near fall with a rollup.
Miz punches Barrett and Irish whips him. Miz hits the Awesome Clothesline and then he kicks Jericho from the apron. Miz goes up top but Barrett stops him and Barrett with a knee to the midsection. Barrett tries for a superplex but Jericho stops Barrett and power bombs Barrett while Barrett gives Miz a superplex and all three men are down as we go to commercial.
We are back and Barrett gets a near fall on Jericho. Barrett with an elbow drop and he kicks Miz off the apron again. Jericho with a chop but Barrett with a knee. Barrett gets a near fall. Barrett with a reverse chin lock. Jericho with elbows but Barrett with an Irish whip. Barrett runs into a boot from Jericho and Jerihco with a shoulder tackle or two. Barrett sends Jericho over the top rope but Jericho lands on the apron and then he goes up top and gets a near fall.
Jericho with a bulldog and then he goes for the Lionsault but Miz pulls Jericho over the top rope to the floor. Miz with a double sledge from the turnbuckles. Miz with a neck breaker but he cannot complete Reality Check. Barrett with the Blackpool Slam for a near fall.
Miz with a drop kick to the knee and he applies the figure four leg lock. Jericho with a Lionsault onto Miz for a near fall. Jericho kicks Miz to the floor. Jericho with a kick and forearm. Jericho with a rollup but he tries for the Walls of Jericho and he gets Barrett over.
Barrett reaches for the ropes and Jericho pulls him into the center of the ring. Miz tries for the Skull Crushing Finale on Jericho but Jericho blocks it. Jericho and Miz back body drop Barrett over the top rope to the floor. Jericho with a rollup and then Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Miz. Barrett throws Jericho out of the ring and Barrett covers but Jericho pulls Barrett out of the ring.
Barrett is sent into the ringside barrier and Jericho gets a near fall. Miz with a DDT for a near fall. Miz misses the Awesome Clothesline and Jericho with a springboard drop kick to Barrett on the apron. Miz with a boot to the head and he gets a near fall on Jericho. Jericho with chops to Miz and he misses an enzuigiri. Jericho with an inside cradle for a near fall. Jericho with an elbow and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale but Barrett with a rollup on Miz for the three count.
Winner: Wade Barrett
In case you missed it on one of the other shows, we take a look at the World Premiere of The Call.
Before the contract signing, we go to Touts with stipulation suggestions.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is main event time and that can mean only one thing . . . CONTRACT SIGNING. The table and chairs are in the ring so things are official.
Triple H comes to the ring first and we get the GameFountain. Paul Heyman comes to the ring with members of security, but there is a man who is conspicuous by his absence.
Hunter says that he would have thought that Brock Lesnar would have come out since he split his head open two weeks ago.
Paul wants to know if Hunter is saying that Brock is afraid of Hunter. Paul says that Brock is fearless. Paul says that he is afraid of Triple H because of the predicament that they have put Hunter in.
Choice A is that Hunter disappoints the WWE Universe by taking away the match the fans want to see the most. Choice B is to sign the contract and face Brock Lesnar without knowing what the stipulations are. He says that Hunter is a frustrated man so Paul says that he has his own security detail.
Hunter says that Paul has spared no expense on his security.
Paul tells Hunter how this will work. Brock has already signed the contract. Only if Hunter signs the contract will he tell Hunter what the stipulations are.
Hunter says that he doesn’t care about the stipulations and he will kick Brock Lesnar’s ass at Wrestlemania.
Paul says that since Hunter is a captive audience, he wants to enjoy this. Brock is really enjoying this. They have spent countless hours watching one piece of footage over and over and over and over again. Paul shows us what happened three weeks ago on Raw.
Paul says this is as big as it gets. Paul asks Hunter how do you top that. Paul says that he knows how to top that. Brock Lesnar versus the Game and the Cerebral Assassin is blindfolded. That isn’t the stipulation because Brock wants Hunter to be able to look in the face of the man who will be beating him up.
Hunter will have his hands cuffed and his legs shackled, but that means that Hunter will have an excuse for a loss.
Paul suggests that the winner of the match gets Stephanie. However, since we are getting personal, it would be more fitting if the loser got Stephanie.
Hunter attacks Paul and the security members. Hunter puts Paul on the table and he slaps Paul’s chest while Paul calls for Brock.
Hunter says that since he knows that Brock is not going to come out, why not sign the contract and he takes his time enjoying this because he has a captive audience. Hunter slaps Paul and then he signs the contract and then Hunter tells Paul to call his monster.
Hunter kicks Paul out of the ring and then he throws the chair on Paul.
Brock Lesnar’s music plays and he slams a chair on the stage before doing the Brock Bounce. Lesnar picks the chair up and goes to the ring.
Lucky for Triple H, he had placed the GameHammer under the table.
Lesnar throws the chair into the ring.
Paul tells Hunter he signed his death warrant.
Paul goes to the stage and he says that he is not tough guy, but Brock is the tough guy. It was worth it to get Hunter to sign the contract.
Brock Lesnar versus Triple H will be in a No Count Out, No Disqualification, No Stoppages Match. It is a No Holds Barred Match. Another stipulation is that Hunter’s career is on the line.
We go to credits