martedì 7 maggio 2013

COMPLETE WWE RAW REPORT: CENA AND RYBACK PICK A STIPULATION; SANDOW SINGS; FANDANGO DANCES (WITH SUE); MARK HENRY DO WHAT HE DO; CESARO DOES NOT YODEL; SAMOANS VERSUS SAMOAN; BELLAS BETRAY A TAG PARTNER; KAITLYN HAS A MAN ON THE INSIDE; BROCK DOES INTERIOR DESIGN; AND MORE


We move a week closer to Extreme Rules and what will happen when Paul Heyman plays ‘Bring your Beast to his opponent’s work’? Is John Cena going to be healthy enough to make it to the pay per view? What will the Shield do to top their last few weeks with the Undertaker and Kane?
Earlier today, Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman went to Titan Towers. What happened when they entered the inner sanctum of the Game’s office? What is next for John Cena and Ryback? Will Cena get a matching leather jacket in case they have to be tag team partners before Extreme Rules?
We are in Roanoke, Virginia and your announcers are Michael ‘Bolton’ Cole, John ‘Peter Gibbons’ Layfield, and Jerry ‘Milton Waddams’ Lawler.
John Cena makes his way to the ring but he does not have the usual pep in his step. He says that you can sense the unrest in the WWE Universe. It has been a week full of unrest and questions. John says that he will answer those questions using the playbook of Daniel Bryan.
YES . . . competing in the main event of Raw was probably not a great decision for his heel.
NO . . . it will not stop him from defending his title against Ryback at Extreme Rules.
YES . . . after Ryback refused to compete and standing on the stage at the end of the show, he does not know what his plans are.
YES . . . Ryback is ready to DTF. . . do the Fandango.
The photo with Betty White was photoshopped.
He says that he is not a teacher, lawyer, or doctor, he is the current WWE Champion. As long as he is medically cleared, his job is to get in this ring every single week and do his best. Is he 100%, he hasn’t been 100% since 2002. That will not stop him from defending his WWE Championship.
Vickie Guerrero excuse mes her way to the ring.
She tells John that she is so excited that he will be defending the title at Extreme Rules. This pay per view will not be ordinary . . . it will be Extreme. Triple H will face Brock Lesnar in a Steel Cage match. Dolph Ziggler will be defending his title in a Triple Threat Ladder Match. The WWE Title match will also be extreme. She says that she would never choose a stipulation that would affect the champion and the challenger.
Ryback makes his way to the ring.
John will get to select his stipulation for the match with Ryback. John says that he has so many options. He says the winner should be the person who runs out of the arena like a scared girl. Instead, why not make it a whine off. Cena mocks Ryback.
He says that he doesn’t care if it is a Vickie Guerrero Granny Panties on a Pole Match . . . and then he reconsiders. He wants a chance to fight and shut up the world’s largest complainer.
Vickie tells Ryback that she did not appreciate him walking out of the match last week. Now Ryback gets to pick the stipulation.
Ryback says that throwing away the chance to make the stipulation is extremely stupid.
Cena shows that his foot does not hurt him as much as Ryback thinks.
Ryback says that he is not fighting Cena tonight and he tells him to take it easy. He is smart enough to walk away from a fight when the timing is wrong. It is ironic that his Achilles heel is his Achilles heel. Cena’s real Achilles heel is his ego and pride. After Extreme Rules, everyone will know that Ryback Rules.
The match will be Last Man Standing.
Michael Cole reminds us of the situation involving Brock Lesnar, Paul Heyman, and the WWE Headquarters.
Randy Orton walks in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back and Damien demands silence before he sings.
Randy has voices inside his head, just watching him puts him to bed. Puts me to sleep.
Randy walks down here on this ramp his expression stays the same. Does his pose up in the corner, can’t think of anything more lame.
All his tattoos are disgusting, all that oil on him is heinous. All you people get to sit back and watch him beat this ignoramus.
Match Number One: Randy Orton versus Damien Sandow in an In Case You Missed It on Smackdown Rematch
Orton punches Sandow and he must not be a fan of music. Orton puts Sandow on the apron and he tries for the IEDDT but Sandow gets to the floor. Orton with a clothesline and then he drops Sandow on the ringside barrier. Orton sends Sandow back into the ring but Sandow goes to the floor again.
Orton punches Sandow and sends him into the ringside barrier and apron. Orton hangs Sandow on the apron and he tries for an IEDDT but Sandow sends Orton into the ringside barrier. Orton with a back breaker followed by a European uppercut or two. Orton punches Sandow and he pulls Damien out of the corner. Orton with a stomp to the midsection. Sandow with a shoulder and knee to the midsection. Sandow with a punch but Orton with a punch of his own and a suplex.
Orton runs his laces across Sandow’s face and it is time for the Garvin Stomp. Orton with a boot to Sandow’s head and he gets a near fall.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Sandow is in control of the match with a reverse chin lock. Sandow with knees to Orton followed by the side Russian leg sweep and it is time for the Elbow of Disdain and he connects and gets a near fall. Sandow returns to the reverse chin lock.
Orton with a clothesline out of the corner on an Irish whip and he connects with another clothesline. Sandow goes for a clothesline but Orton moves and Randy with a power slam. Orton runs into an elbow but Orton with a drop kick when Sandow comes off the turnbuckles. Sandow goes to the apron and Orton hits the IEDDT.
Orton twists into the push ups and he hits the RKO for the three count.
Winner: Randy Orton
After the match, Cole, Lawler, and Layfield are talking but we cut to the stage where Big Show is standing over Randy Orton. We see footage showing Big Show knocking out Orton.
Fandango is in the back and he is getting ready with SUE. We go to commercial.
We are back and Chris Jericho makes an appearance in his sequin spangled jacket. He makes his way to the ring.
Chris welcomes us to Raw is JERICHO. He says that we know that Fandumbo is coming out next so he wanted to put together a Judge’s panel of the performance of FanDodgeDurango, FanDingleBerry, and other names.
Chris says that he found two superstars in the back who could kick some butt and shake some booty. He brings out Brodus Clay and Tensai, who are joined by Cameron and Naomi.
Brodus and Tensai give Fandango and Sue a 2 while Jericho gives them a 1.
Fandango wants to know who Christopher is to rate him. Just because he was on Dancing with the Stars, but he failed.
Match Number Two: R Truth versus Fandango (with Sue)
Fandango with kicks and knees to Truth and then he dances. Truth with a leg lariat and then he connects with a clothesline and back elbow. Truth with a kick and a sit out gourdbuster. Truth with the scissors kick and Fandango rolls to the floor to avoid being pinned.
Truth dances and does a split in the ring and they get 10s across the board. Fandango and Sue leave and he is counted out.
Winner: R Truth (by count out)
It is time for more footage of Brock and Paul at WWE Headquarters. We see more footage of Paul filming Brock walking through the hallways.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a look back at the match between Daniel Bryan and Ryback from Smackdown. Then Daniel Bryan was attacked by the Shield.
Josh Mathews is with Daniel Bryan in the interview area. Josh asks Daniel how he is. Daniel says that he is fine. The Shield like to throw around the word justice. They use it to justify three on one attacks. He will prove that it will take more than a Shield ambush. He is challenging The Ryback to a rematch tonight.
Ryback tells Bryan he is in no condition for a rematch. He tells Bryan ‘No’ Ryback says that even if Bryan was healthy, he would destroy him again. Bryan is half the man he is.
Kane comes up from behind and he asks Ryback about him. Does he think that he is half the man that Ryback is.
Ryback says Kane is not the monster he used to be. There is only one monster in the WWE and Ryback Rules.
Match Number Three: Alberto Del Rio (with Ricardo Rodriguez) versus Dolph Ziggler (with Big E Langston and AJ Lee)
They lock up and go to a stalemate. Ziggler has a kick blocked and Del Rio with a side head lock take down. Del Rio with a shoulder tackle. Del Rio blocks a hip toss and hits one of his own and he gets a near fall. Del Rio with a kick to the back and he gets a near fall.
Ziggler with a kick to the thigh and Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall. Ziggler kicks Del Rio in the corner. Ziggler punches Del Rio and he hits a Stinger Splash and gets a near fall. Del Rio with kicks in the corner and then he punches Ziggler. Del Rio with the step up enzuigiri to the shoulder and he gets a near fall. Del Rio tries for a suplex but Ziggler blocks it and Ziggler with a suplex of his own and he gets a near fall.
Ziggler with punches to Del Rio and the referee pulls Ziggler out of the corner. Del Rio with an Irish whip and Del Rio sends Ziggler into the corner and Del Rio with forearms to the kidneys followed by a lungblower. Ziggler falls to the floor and Jack Swagger’s music plays and he comes to the ring with Zeb Colter.
Swagger tells Langston not to touch Colter who has gone from camouflage to a blue vest. Meanwhile, Ziggler is still down on the floor and Del Rio is still in the ring as we go to commercial.
We are back and Ziggler with a reverse chin lock but Del Rio with punches and a sunset flip for a near fall. Ziggler tries for a drop kick but Del Rio moves. Ziggler gets another chance for a drop kick and he connects. We see footage from the commercial break when AJ distracted Del Rio long enough to allow Ziggler to hit a Super X Factor.
Ziggler with a series of elbow drops and then he hits a delayed leaping elbow drop. Ziggler gets a near fall. Ziggler with a kick but Del Rio tosses Dolph into the air and down to the mat. Del Rio misses the step up enzuigiri but he does catch Ziggler in the head when he lands on the mat and Del Rio with a near fall.
Del Rio with a single arm breaker and then he tries for the float over into the cross arm breaker but he takes too long and Dolph with a swinging neck breaker for a near fall. Ziggler goes up top and Del Rio with a punch that stops Ziggler. Del Rio with an inverted superplex and both men are down.
Del Rio punches Ziggler but Ziggler with a kick and neck breaker. Ziggler misses the Stinger Splash and Del Rio with two clotheslines. Del Rio avoids a clothesline and he hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Del Rio sets for the super kick and he connects. Del Rio with a near fall. Del Rio signals for the cross arm breaker and after a few counters Del Rio applies the cross arm breaker.
AJ gets on the apron to distract the referee. Langston pulls Del Rio out of the ring and then Langston throws Del Rio into Swagger as the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Alberto Del Rio (by disqualification)
After the match, Swagger sends Langston into the ring post and he takes care of Del Rio. Swagger pulls out a ladder and Ricardo climbs on his back. Swagger uses the ladder to push Ricardo into the ringside barrier. Swagger hits Ziggler with the ladder and then he throws it at Del Rio.
We take a look at more photos of Brock and Paul entering WWE Headquarters.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Michael Cole announces the deal that WWE entered into with Yahoo. We see footage from the announcement.
Kaitlyn is talking to Cameron and Naomi and Kaitlyn’s phone goes boing boing. Cameron and Naomi tell him that it sounds like Kaitlyn has a stalker. Natalya enters and then Kaitlyn reads the text and she loves that he likes the Simpsons.
Natalya tells Khali to do some spy work in the locker room.
Nikki and Brie look like they had something to do with the texts.
Match Number Four: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns versus The Usos and Kofi Kingston
Ambrose and Jimmy start things off and Ambrose punches and kicks Jimmy in the corner. Jimmy with an elbow and forearms in the corner. Jimmy slides into the corner and he connects with a clothesline and he slams Jimmy. Jimmy with a boot to Ambrose. Jey tags in and they hit a double elbow drop. Rollins comes off the turnbuckles and is met with a punch from Jey.
Jey with a slam to Rollins and he gets a near fall. Seth runs Jey into the turnbuckles and Reigns tags in and he kicks Jey. Reigns sends Jey into the mat and he hits a flying clothesline. Ambrose tags in and hits a drop kick and Rollins with a running kick for a near fall. Rollins with a rear chin lock. Rollins with kicks and he chokes Jey in the corner.
Ambrose tags back in and he punches Jey. Jey with a punch but Ambrose with a knee. Reigns tags back in and he punches Jey and he suplexes Jey and gets a near fall. Reigns with a reverse chin lock. Reigns with a European uppercut and he tags Rollins back in.
Rollins with a reverse chin lock. Rollins with a knee to keep Jey from tagging in. Rollins with an enzuigiri to knock Jimmy off the apron. Rollins slaps Jey. Jey with a pop up Samoan drop. Ambrose and Kofi tag in and Kofi with a clothesline from the turnbuckles followed by clotheslines. Kofi with a leaping clothesline to Ambrose followed by the Boom Drop. Kofi sets for Trouble in Paradise but he goes for a splash into the corner instead. Kofi moves and hits a pendulum kick on Ambrose and then he kicks Reigns off the apron.
Jimmy with a savate kick to Reigns but Reigns pulls Jimmy to the floor. Reigns with a clohtelsine on the floor. Kofi goes up top and Ambrose tries to stop him. Kofi knocks Dean off with a head butt. Rollins knocks Kofi off the turnbuckles when Reigns distracts the referee. Dean hits the Dean Driver for the three count.
Winners: Dean Ambrose, Seth Rollins, and Roman Reigns
If you want to see more chaos, we have more photos from Paul and Brock’s visit to WWE Headquarters.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Five: Antonio Cesaro versus Zack Ryder
They lock up and Cesaro with European uppercuts and kicks. Cesaro with a slam and he leaps onto Ryder’s chest. Cesaro with a deadlift side salto. Cesaro with punches in the corner and he kicks Ryder. Cesaro with a suplex and he floats over to get a near fall. Cesaro with a reverse chin lock.
Ryder with a face plant and he runs into boots from Ryder. Ryder with a missile drop kick and he sets for the running forearm but Cesaro with Swiss Death followed by the Gotch Style Neutralizer and the three count.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
After the match, Cesaro says that if he asks for the microphone it is for something important. He wants to know if that is all of the competition that they have for him. It is ridiculous. He says that he puts the ‘W’ in WWE. There is nobody in this entire company who can challenge him. There is nobody on NXT, Saturday Morning Slam, Superstars, Raw, or Smackdown who can hold a candle to him.
We see footage of Paul and Brock entering WWE Headquarters. Paul is getting ready to make his comments via satellite as we go to commercial.
We are back and it has been hyped for almost two hours so we go to Paul Heyman who is ‘live via satellite’. Paul introduces himself and he says that he is here as the advocate for the beast incarnate, Brock Lesnar. They took a self guided tour of WWE Headquarters today. Paul is going to give us exclusive access to the footage that he filmed at WWE Headquarters.
We go to Paul showing us the outside of the WWE Headquarters. Then we see Brock Lesnar. Paul wonders why there is an Extreme Rules poster with Sheamus on it. Paul says that they are going to Triple H’s office and the receptionist wonders if they have an appointment. Paul says that they got an e-mail.
We go to the fourth floor. They get off the elevator and go to Hunter’s office. Paul points out that there is not one poster of Brock Lesnar in the hallway. They get to Hunter’s office and Brock tells the person who tries to keep him out of Hunter’s office to sit down and shut up. Paul comments on a photo of Killer Kowalski and Heyman wonders who he trained.
Brock picks up the World Title Belt in Hunter’s office and Paul tells Brock that he won’t have a chance at the title while Hunter is still around. Brock sits at Hunter’s desk. Brock throws a phone away and then he breaks a laptop. Brock then breaks a keyboard. Brock knocks out the monitor. Brock picks up the GameHammer and he breaks the desk and GameHammer. Brock throws a television at the WWE logo and one of the W’s falls.
Paul continues to provide commentary of Brock’s actions and Paul leaves his business card.
Paul says that he knows a little bit about the word ‘extreme’. That is why it is ironic that Paul is the voice of reason when it comes to his client Brock Lesnar. When Brock decides to hurt someone or lead a path of destruction, he is the one who pleads and tells Brock to stop to consider the legal cost of the defense.
Triple H stepped into it. Hunter hit him with a pedigree on world wide television. This is his response. He is no longer going to discourage Brock Lesnar, he is going to encourage Brock Lesnar. He is going to beg Brock to hurt Triple H inside the steel cage. He is going to plead with his client to exploit the opportunity only an old school steel cage can do . . . to maim Triple H. He will take Triple H to the extreme and then Brock is going to go further and further and further and further and further and further and further and . . .
Triple H’s music plays to stop the furthering adventures of Paul Heyman.
Hunter makes his way to the ring and he looks at Paul on the TitanTron.
Hunter tells Paul they might want to bring the guy with the mic to fix Paul’s hair. He wants to know if Paul ever opens his mouth without a lot of crap coming out. Paul knows something about ‘extreme’? Hunter says that he knows about Extreme. He was a founding father of Degeneration X. He knocked Paul’s monster out cold at Wrestlemania.
Hunter says that he is not buying that Paul decided to go to Stamford because he thought Hunter would be there. Everyone knows that Hunter is at Raw.
Hunter tells Paul to shut up. He says that Paul and Brock can tear up his office and intimidate innocent office people. He has two offices. He has the one that Paul tore up and Hunter has his other office. He is standing in that office. Hunter says this office has one hell of a view. He says that this office is more like his home. This is where he grew up and became a man, something Brock never became. He tells Paul to tell Brock to say it to his face.
Hunter says that he is not real hard to find. If Brock is thinking he can come into this office and do what he did to his other office, they fight back in this office.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Six: AJ Lee, Nikki Bella, and Brie Bella versus Cameron, Naomi, and Kaitlyn
Cameron and AJ start things off and AJ uses a distraction by Brie to attack Cameron from behind and she slams Cameron face first into the mat for a near fall. AJ with a few neck breakers and she blows a kiss to Kaitlyn. AJ gets a near fall. AJ with a reverse chin lock. Cameron with a punch but AJ with a clothesline for a near fall. AJ with a cravate but Cameron with punches. AJ with a forearm.
AJ with an Irish whip but she misses a splash. Cameron with a clothesline and she sends AJ into the turnbuckles and hits a cross body. Kaitlyn tags in and AJ begs for mercy. AJ slaps Kaitlyn and Kaitlyn blocks a second punch. Brie refuses a tag and so does Nikki. Kaitlyn with a spear for the three count.
Winners: Kaitlyn, Naomi, and Cameron
Mark Henry is walking in the back because that is what he do.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Mark Henry makes his way to the ring because that is what he do. Mark says in a few minutes Sheamus is going to come out here and he is going to act real tough. He is going to beat his chest and do his Celtic pose. That is where the problem is. Sheamus will be acting. Mark says that he doesn’t have to act tough because he is tough. He will show you what happens when Sheamus meets the World’s Strongest Man. Mark repeats Sheamus’ name and then he calls the fans puppets for whating.
Mark wants the camera to get close. He tells Sheamus if he has any pride in his pasty body, he will face him at Extreme Rules. It has been a long time since he got extreme, but he promises Sheamus that people will remember this match for the rest of existence. He has a special wing . . .
Sheamus shows no respect to the exhibits in the Hall of Pain and he makes his way to the ring doing his Celtic pose, like Mark said he would do.
Sheamus wants to know how Mark is doing. He says that he came out here, not because Mark asked him to come out, it was because the video left half of it out. We know what Mark do, but do they know what Sheamus do?
Mark says that Sheamus isn’t serious about anything and he tells Sheamus to be serious when they meet at Extreme Rules.
Sheamus says that he is relaxed, but when the bell rings, he is all business. At Extreme Rules, the business is all Mark.
They talk about going at it, but before they can do what they do, Wade Barrett’s music plays and he makes his way to the ring for his match with Sheamus.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Seven: Wade Barrett versus Sheamus in a Non Title Match
The match is joined in progress and Mark Henry has made his way to the announce table to do commentary because that is what he do.
Barrett has Sheamus in a reverse chin lock and Sheamus escapes. Sheamus with two running double sledges and he runs Barrett into the turnbuckles and hits a running knee lift. Barrett goes to the apron and he connects with the forearms across the chest. Sheamus with a running shoulder that knocks Barrett off the apron.
Sheamus teases sending Barrett into Henry and Henry flinches and falls down. Sheamus sends Barrett into the ring and then Sheamus with a Brogue kick to Henry. Sheamus punches Barrett and then he goes up top for a flying shoulder tackle and he gets a near fall. Sheamus goes for the cloverleaf but Barrett with an inside cradle for a near fall. Barrett with the Blackpool Slam for a near fall.
Officials check on Henry on the floor while Barrett tries to get Sheamus up for Wasteland but Sheamus escapes and he hits a uranage back breaker for a near fall. Sheamus gets Barrett on his shoulders but Barrett escapes. Sheamus misses a Brogue Kick and Sheamus with a back heel kick and a super kick for a near fall.
Barrett sets for the Bull Hammer but Sheamus counters with White Noise. Sheamus looks around and he pounds his chest. Sheamus sets for the Brogue Kick and he connects and gets the three count.
Winner: Sheamus
After the match, Henry gets in the ring and he whips Sheamus with a belt. Henry knocks Sheamus out of the ring. Sheamus gets a few punches in but Henry whips Sheamus like he stole something. Henry wants Sheamus to say something funny. Henry with a World’s Strongest Slam and he wants to know how funny that was.
We go to commercial with a Tale of the Tape for Kane versus Ryback and we go to commercial.
We are back and next week Fandango will face Chris Jericho on Raw . . . in a Dance Off.
We take another look at Brock’s trip to Triple H’s office in Stamford.
Match Number Eight: Kane versus Ryback
They lock up and Ryback pushes Kane away. Kane takes Ryback to the mat and he punches Ryback. Kane with a side head lock and shoulder tackle for a near fall. Ryback runs Kane into the corner and he connects with shoulders. Kane with a power slam to Ryback for a near fall. Kane misses a punch and Ryback with a kick and he clotheslines Kane over the top rope but Kane lands on his feet.
Kane pulls Ryback to the floor but Ryback sends Kane into the ringside barrier as we go to commercial.
We are back and Ryback gets a near fall. Ryback slams Kane and he hits a splash and gets a near fall. Ryback with a forearm to the back and he has Kane in a front face lock. Ryback with an Irish whip but Kane with an elbow. Ryback with a Thesz Press and he slams Kane’s head into the mat. Ryback sets for the lariat but he runs into a boot from Kane.
Kane grabs Ryback by the throat but Ryback fights out of the hold but Kane with a thrust to the throat followed by a DDT for a near fall. Kane with an Irish whip and clothesline followed by another Irish whip and clothesline. Ryback with a spinebuster when Kane does not go for his usual side slam after the second clothesline. Ryback says that it is time to finish things.
Kane with a knee and suplex for a near fall. Kane goes up top for the clothesline but Ryback stops him. Ryback climbs the turnbuckles but Kane punches Ryback off the turnbuckles. Ryback hits the ropes and Kane gets crotched. Ryback gets Kane on his shoulders for the marching muscle buster and he hits it and gets the three count.
Winner: Ryback
After the match, The Shield make their way to the ring. Daniel Bryan comes to the ring and Ryback leaves the ring.
Bryan shields Kane from the Shield.
Not to be outdone, John Cena makes his way to the ring and he is ready to help Bryan.
The Shield come into the ringside area. Ryback has a chair while Bryan hits a suicide dive onto Rollins and Ambrose. Cena has Reigns on his shoulders for an Attitude Adjustment and Ryback hits Cena with the chair and he stands over the WWE Champion.
We go to credits. 


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