Raw 20th Report

 
Twenty years ago, professional wrestling changed with the debut of a show from the Manhattan Center in New York City. Who would have known that a young man named Mike Johnson would go from attending that show to being one of the pillars of the internet wrestling community. Who will be the person in Houston to be the next Mike Johnson for the 40th anniversary of Raw?
We begin with a montage of the Raw opens through the years.
We are in Houston, Texas and your announcers are Michael ‘Where is the Harlem part of this town’ Cole, John ‘Welcome to my state’ Layfield, and Jerry ‘Biggio and Bagwell were robbed’ Lawler.
It is starting to feel a lot like 1993 because Vince McMahon is in the ring. Vince welcomes everyone to the twentieth anniversary of Monday Night Raw. We have seen a lot in twenty years. Most of all, we have seen entertainment. Raw has been so entertaining that since its inception, four billion viewers have watched Raw.
Why have over four billion viewers enjoyed Raw? Because Vince is a certifiable iconic genius. He also says that it is because of the fans. They will continue to make history tonight. Dolph Ziggler will face John Cena tonight. It will be in a steel cage. We will have a Rock Concert tonight.
Vince is interrupted by the former World Champion, the Big Show. Show tells Vince that he is sorry but the twentieth anniversary celebration will have to wait. They need to address the travesty that happened to him on Smackdown.
Vince reminds Show that he does not like being told what to do. He does not like being interrupted. He does not like certain people calling him Vince.
Show says ‘sir’ and then he continues. He would like to address what happened on Smackdown.
Vince tells Show that he looks good and he has lost some weight. He says that Show is no longer carrying the World Championship.
Show says that is why he his out here. He wants to address the travesty.
Vince wants to roll the footage and Show says that it isn’t necessary. Since he came out unannounced, they don’t have the footage ready.
Vince says that we need to watch the footage.
Show says that is what he is talking about. He wasn’t prepared for that type of match on Smackdown. Why would Booker put him in that match. Maybe he is trying to make Del Rio a hero to the Latinos. It is not fair. Booker is jealous of him. He has a no cut iron clad contract. Booker and everyone is inferior to him.
Vince asks Show what he would have him do.
Show says that since he is Vince’s most precious commodity, Vince should strip the inferior Alberto Del Rio of his title.
Ricardo Rodriguez comes out and he introduces the current World Champion, Albertooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Del Riooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Alberto tells Big Show for someone who talks about being a giant so much, he comes off so small. He remembers that Show had so much fun picking on Ricardo, but when someone picks on him, Show becomes a crying baby. Instead of complaining to Mr. McMahon, why not do something about that. Why not give the people Alberto Del Rio versus Big Show for the title tonight?
Show says no. This is exactly what he has been talking about. He was not prepared on Friday. He is not prepared tonight. He is wearing a custom made suit.
Del Rio says that Show is bigger and stronger than him. For once in his life, he tells Show to show some cajones.
Show says that he is not going to waste his rematch here tonight and he tells Del Rio that he is delusional to think that. He will fight Del Rio when he wants to fight him, not when Del Rio wants to fight him. A perfect place for that title is not in Houston, it is at the Royal Rumble.
A smart man like himself, chooses the battleground. When it is all said and done, people won’t be talking about CM Punk, the Rock, or who survived the 30 man Royal Rumble . . . they will be talking about him because he is going to knock Del Rio out and take back his World Championship. He tells Del Rio to enjoy his fifteen minutes of fame.
Alberto says something in Spanish and he translates for Show and says that he called him a fat jackass in Spanish.
Show asks if this is Vince’s World Champion to insult him.
Alberto says that Ricardo has a present for Show. Ricardo gets a bucket and Show tells Ricardo if he throws water on him, he will break Ricardo’s spine in half.
Ricardo thinks about it and he throws confetti on Show. Del Rio and Show battle and Del Rio with a rana and a step up enzuigiri.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a flashback to Bob Barker guest hosting Raw.
Match Number One: Wade Barrett versus Randy Orton in a Non Title Match
They lock up and Orton backs Barrett into the corner and he gives a clean break. They lock up again and Barrett backs Orton into the corner and Barrett with a punch and kick. Orton misses a clothesline but Orton with a Thesz Press. They go to the floor and Orton sends Barrett into the announce table. Orton with a European uppercut and then he connects with a back body drop onto the ringside barrier.
They return to the ring and Orton gets a near fall. Orton with a very deliberate Garvin Stomp. Orton with a kick to the head. Orton clotheslines Barrett over the top rope to the floor and we go to commercial.
We are back and Orton with punches and a head butt. Barrett with a knee to the midsection and we see footage from the commercial break when Barrett avoided the IEDDT and connected with a back kick that send Orton to the floor.
We are back to the action in the ring and Barrett with a reverse chin lock. Orton with a head butt and kick. Barrett with a boot to the head. Barrett gets a near fall. Barrett puts Orton in the ropes and connects with knees and then kicks Orton in the head and gets a near fall. Barrett with a reverse chin lock but Orton with a belly-to-back suplex.
Orton and Barrett exchange punches. Barrett with an Irish whip but Orton with a clothesline out of the corner. Orton with two more clotheslines and he avoids a clothesline from Barrett. Orton with a power slam. Barrett drops Orton on the top rope to avoid the IEDDT. Barrett with a back breaker and then he gets Barrett on the apron for the IEDDT and he hits it.
Orton with the push ups but Barrett escapes the hold and he connects with a forearm to the back of the head and then he sends Orton shoulder first into the ring post. Barrett with the Bull Hammer for the three count.
Winner: Wade Barrett
We go to commercial.
We are back and Eve Torres is walking in the back and she sees Booker and Teddy Long. Eve will have a special stipulation in Eve’s Divas Title Match. If Eve gets counted out or disqualified, she will be stripped . . . of the Divas Title and Kaitlyn will be the new champion.
Eve tries to sweet talk them and she says that there is something that they can do to work this out. Booker looks like he is going to kiss Eve but he laughs and then says that he did not see her try that. Teddy is laughing too and Eve slaps Teddy before going to the ring.
Michael Cole reminds us that Vickie Guerrero mentioned Kane and Daniel Bryan’s check up with Dr. Shelby.
Daniel Bryan says that he doesn’t know why they had to do a follow up. Neither wants to be there. Kane agrees. Bryan says that they lie and tell Shelby what he wants to hear. The faster they get out of there, the better.
Dr. Shelby is impressed that they were shaking hands. Shelby asks if anyone wants a group hug and Kane and Bryan say they do.
Daniel wants to know if they can go. Dr. Shelby has a follow up question for each man. He asks Daniel what his favorite part about Kane is. Bryan says that he likes that Kane is tall. He likes that Kane can set things on fire by lowering his arms. He says that Kane is quite a good dancer.
Dr. Shelby asks Kane what the best part of Daniel is. Kane says that Bryan is very agile in the ring. He says that Daniel has a great beard. He says that Daniel has no problem admitting to wearing women’s clothing.
Shelby says that they are free to go, but they have Kristin send in some people. Dr. Shelby has a surprise and it is Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes. They are here to cause a trigger for their anger and see how it works. Sandow corrects Dr. Shelby on his method of treatment.
Dr. Shelby says that they will purposely antagonize them and when they feel their angry feelings, they need to let them wash away and find their happy place.
Cody wants to know what kind of quack he is to have a happy place. Sandow insults Shelby. Shelby says that they are here to help him and not criticize him. Shelby and Sandow argue. Cody says that he doesn’t know who is a bigger failure, then as a team or Shelby as a therapist.
Sandow wants to know where Shelby got his degree. They would be better off getting advice from Dr. Phil.
Dr. Shelby tells Bryan and Kane to attack Sandow and Cody.
Kane says that is his happy place.
Match Number Two: Kane (with Daniel Bryan) versus Damien Sandow (with Cody Rhodes)
Sandow goes to the floor and then Kane brings him back in from the apron. Kane with a punch and Irish whip followed by a clothesline into the corner. Kane with another Irish whip and clothesline followed by a side slam for a near fall. Sandow has a punch blocked by Kane on the floor and Kane with a punch. He sends Sandow back into the ring but Sandow with kicks.
Sandow with a head butt and punch followed by a knee and a side Russian leg sweep followed by elbow drops that lack disdain. Sandow with a knee drop and now it is time to add some disdain for the elbow drop and he gets a near fall.
Sandow goes to the turnbuckles and Kane grabs Sandow and hits a choke slam. Kane gets the three count.
Winner: Kane
We go to commercial.
We are back and we take a look back at the start of the show when Ricardo Rodriguez went Geese Ausbie on Big Show doing his best Washington Generals impression.
We are introduced to the first inductee in the 2013 Hall of Fame Class and it is Mick Foley.
John wonders if Foley will go in as Dude Love, Cactus Jack, or Mankind.
Mick thanks the people of Houston . . . but he is interrupted by The Shield who make their way to the ring.
They surround Foley and he is ready for them. They back Foley into the corner but Ryback’s music plays and Ambrose is pissed.
Ryback runs to the ring and the Shield meet him as he enters the ring. Ryback throws Ambrose and Rollins over the top rope and then he clotheslines Reigns. Ambrose and Rollins return to the ring and they work over Ryback.
Randy Orton comes to the ring and he attacks Ambrose and then he goes after Rollins. The Shield triple team Orton. Sheamus comes to the ring and he fights off the Shield. Orton and Sheamus clear the ring of Rollins and Reigns. Ryback gets Ambrose on his shoulders and he hits the marching muscle buster.
Josh Mathews is in the ring with Ryback and he asks him about his retribution against the Shield. Ryback says that every time he has stepped in the ring with CM Punk, the Shield have allowed CM Punk to escape. The Shield has allowed Punk to walk away with the WWE Championship. He does not care about conspiracy theories. He says that he will not rest until he gives back to the Shield what they have taken from him.
Ryback wants to be fed Shield.
Jerry segues into some of the most outrageous gimmicks in the history of Raw. We see Chainsaw Charlie, Repo Man, Doink, Man Mountain Rock, Tourette’s Goldust, The Goon, Duke Drose, Beaver Cleavage, Bastion Booger, Gillberg, RockaBilly, Mantaur, Boogeyman, Naked Mideon, ‘The Man’s Man’ William Regal, and many more.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Eve Torres versus Kaitlyn for the Divas Title
They lock up and Eve with a side head lock. Kaitlyn with a top wrist lock and Eve is sent to the floor. Kaitlyn punches Eve but Eve kicks Kaitlyn and then gets a near fall. Eve punches Kaitlyn and gets a near fall. Eve gets another near fall. Eve kicks Kaitlyn in the midsection and she chokes Kaitlyn.
Eve with a figure four head scissors and Eve moves closer to the ropes and Kaitlyn grabs the ropes. Kaitlyn with a rollup for a near fall. Kaitlyn with a forearm and clotheslines. Kaitlyn with an inverted DDT for a near fall. Eve with a kick to the head and she hits the swinging neck breaker for a near fall.
Eve with punches and then Kaitlyn with a gutbuster from the shoulders and Eve goes to the floor. Eve sends Kaitlyn into the ringside barrier. Eve throws Kailtyn into the ring bell area. Kaitlyn makes her way back into the ring and she hits a spear for the three count.
Winner: Kaitlyn
Josh Mathews is with Brodus Clay and Josh shows Brodus what CM Punk said about him last week. Josh asks for comments. Brodus says that he doesn’t shuck and jive because he has to. He does it because he wants to. He says that Punk’s pipe bomb is going to blow up in his face.
We go to commercial.
We are back with a look back at Donald Trump on Raw to set up the match at Wrestlemania 23 and his attack of Vince McMahon.
Match Number Four: Brodus Clay (with Funkettes) versus CM Punk (with the Punkette) in a Non Title Match
Punk with a punch and kick but Clay is not joking around. Clay with a shoulder tackle and Punk goes to the floor. Punk and Heyman discuss strategy. Clay hip tosses Punk back into the ring and Clay with a head butt and punches. Clay with a slam and elbow drops.
Punk with a thumb to the eye and a springboard clothesline to Clay. Punk punches Clay and then hits a neck breaker. Punk with another neck breaker. Punk with a cravate. Punk with kicks but Clay blocks a kick and hits a T-Bone Sheeeplex. Clay with shoulder tackles and then he hits a running head butt to the chest. Clay misses a splash into the corner and Punk with a kick to the knee followed by a super kick.
Punk goes up top for the elbow drop and he hits it and applies the Anaconda Vise and Clay taps out.
Winner: CM Punk
After the match, Punk gets on the mic and he says that he came out here to do what he does every Monday night. A little bit later, the Rock is going to come out here to do whatever it is that he does. Some may think that one or the other is more entertaining and that is your opinion.
What you are not entitled to is your own fact. It is nobody’s opinion that he made a 400 pound monster tap out. It is a fact. The most important title in the world . . . fact. It belongs to him . . . fact. For 421 days, not a soul has beaten him for it . . . fact.
Rock will come out here and sing and dance and entertain, but that is your opinion. At the Royal Rumble, no matter your opinion or the Rock’s opinion, he will not leave the WWE Champion. That is a fact. He is the best in the world. That is not an opinion, that is a fact.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to take a look at some of the best vehicular moments in Raw history. We see Austin and the beer truck, Kane in the ambulance, Austin and his ATV, Alberto hitting Santa, Austin putting cement in Vince’s Corvette, DX ruining Vince’s limo, Edge acting like Ric Flair attacking people, Sheamus stealing Alberto’s Ferrari, destroying JBL’s limo, Austin riding the Zamboni, Rock with the monster truck running over Rock’s car, Kofi Kingston destroying Orton’s NASCAR, Vince’s limo blowing up.
Mick Foley is on the phone with his kids and he says that he was getting ready to defend himself. He is interrupted by The Rock.
Mick offers his hand and Rock asks Mick if he came across the arena to shake his hand . . . and they hug. Rock congratulates Mick for making it into the Hall of Fame. Mick throws out a lot of Finallys. Rock says that Mick wants him to throw out a FINALLY.
Rock tells Mick not to join him on the catchphrases.
Vickie Guerrero interrupts and she asks them if they can be any louder. She has a show to run and she cannot hear herself think. She tells them to shut up because it is her show, not theirs.
Vickie says that the WWE should be like baseball and not induct anybody. Vickie wants to know if she made herself clear.
Vickie asks Rock if he has anything to say.
Rock says that he has nothing to say to Vickie. Mick wants to know why Rock didn’t lay the verbal smack down on her. Rock says that there is a time and place for everything. He tells Mick to enjoy the Rock Concert.
Match Number Five: Sheamus versus 3MB in an Over the Top Rope Challenge
The members of 3MB plan their strategy and Sheamus goes after Drew but then the numbers advantage takes over. Sheamus fights his way out of the corner for a moment. 3MB get Sheamus elevated but he fights his way back to the mat. Sheamus sends Slater into the turnbuckles and then Drew and Jinder attack Sheamus. Sheamus with a kick to Drew and Jinder and then he hits a fireman’s carry slam of Drew onto Jinder.
3MB triple team Sheamus and try to push him over the top rope but Sheamus gets back to his feet. Jinder goes to the turnbuckles while Slater and Drew hold him. Mahal is eliminated by Sheamus. Sheamus sends Drew over the top rope and then Sheamus with a power slam to Slater.
Sheamus tries for a Brogue Kick but Slater moves. Sheamus is on the apron and then Sheamus tries to pull Slater over the top rope but Mahal and Drew pull Sheamus to the floor.
Winner: Heath Slater
After the match, 3MB celebrate and Slater gets on Drew’s shoulders. Sheamus pulls Mahal out of the ring and then he kicks Drew in the leg and gives Slater a Brogue Kick. Sheamus gives a Brogue Kick to Drew.
Josh Mathews apologizes for interrupting John Cena. Josh asks if the steel cage will help him with Big E Langston. Cena says that we should be talking about people who were on Raw over the twenty years of the show and he mentions Braden Walker, but he was never on Raw. Cena says that you need to talk about the future and he says that house is his. He will take care of Ziggler tonight.
Miz comes out and he says that he has a special guest on MizTV. He has a WWE Hall of Famer and he says that it will be AWESOME
Miz asks if they would like a hint. Miz wooooos and we go to commercial.
We are back with a look back at what happened between Ryback, the Shield, Randy Orton, Sheamus, and Mick Foley.
It is time for MizTV and he is in the ring. Miz says in the tradition of the talk shows that have been on Raw like The Cutting Edge, The Highlight Reel, and Piper’s Pit, he welcomes us to the most must see show.
Miz brings out the only two time Hall of Famer, Ric Flair.
Flair asks Houston what’s going on.
Miz says that Flair has done it all. He wrestled Mr. Perfect, he started Evolution, he has been in TLC Matches, played musical chairs, but what was Flair’s favorite moment in the twenty year history of Raw.
Flair says that the night after he lost at Wrestlemania 24. That was the biggest night after the birth of his children. Flair wants to talk about the future. The company gets bigger and better every Monday and he is honored to be here.
Flair says that the day Ryback takes the Shield down, it will be a great day.
Miz throws out a few reallys and Flair fires back and then he starts strutting. Miz tells Flair . . . that was pretty awesome and he wants Flair to do it again. Flair struts and Miz woooos with him.
Miz says that was a magical moment for him.
Miz says that we have had some of the most unforgettable superstars.
We see some people with their own unique voices. We see Damien Sandow, The Spirit Squad, Mick Foley, DX, Michael Cole, CM Punk Val Venis, Miz, Daniel Bryan, Kane, Vickie Guerrero, Steve Austin, Gene Snitsky, Booker T and his suckas, Funaki, Goldust, Ric Flair, Ron Simmons, Hurricane Helms, Lance Storm, Zack Ryder, Edge and Christian, John Cena, Rock, and more.
Miz says the catchphrases were good but there one missing. Miz and Ric play the $100,000 Pyramid but Flair does not play Miz’ game. Flair says that he has four ex-wives to pay for so he needs the job. Flair then goes into his classic limousine riding son of a gun . . .
Until Antonio Cesaro interrupts Flair.
He says that he does not need a catchphrase because he does not rely on crutches when he has to speak. Antonio wanted to see how great America is with Miz and Flair in the ring. They embody America like no one else. A failed reality TV star who is more focused on fame than greatness hosting a talk show with his guest being a sixteen time World Champion who made ten million dollars and spent twenty million. Flair corrects Antonio and says thirty million.
Antonio says that Flair was trying to maintain the illusion of past greatness.
No matter how great Flair was, he has nothing to show for it right now. Except for maybe a bar tab that he can’t pay. The only thing that the four fingers stand for is his four ex-wives.
Miz stands up for Flair and he starts throwing furniture around. Miz says that he will pay Ric’s bar tab tonight, but he will give Cesaro the receipt right now.
Cesaro says that he will take this opportunity to be the bigger man and walk away. Flair grabs Cesaro and chops Cesaro. Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale on Cesaro and then Flair sets for the figure four, but he lets Miz apply the hold. Flair with elbow drops to his jacket.
We go to commercial.
We are back with Mike Tyson on Raw in 1998 and his confrontation with ‘Cold Stone’ Steve Austin.
Match Number Six: Daniel Bryan (with Kane) versus Cody Rhodes (with Damien Sandow)
Cody goes for the injured knee and he puts it in the ropes and he kicks Bryan in the groin. Cody with a gourdbuster and he gets a near fall. Cody kicks Bryan in the injured knee. Bryan takes advantage of Cody losing focus and Bryan applies the No Lock and Rhodes taps out.
Winner: Daniel Bryan
Michael Cole shows us the video of Eve Torres at WWE Active with Matt Striker. Eve says that she is the victim and she doesn’t need this place. Eve says that she won a reality show and she quits.
We go to commercial.
We are back and there will be a Championship Fiesta in San Antonio on Smackdown Friday night.
AJ Lee is in the interview area with Big E Langston. She says that her favorite element of Raw has been the romance and the passion. What says love and passion more than a WWE wedding. AJ mentions Edge and Lita and they were interrupted by an unholy guest. We go to the video tape.
AJ brings up the unbridled passion when Triple H and Stephanie renewed their wedding vows. We go to the video tape.
AJ is interrupted by Big E but he has one that almost made him shed a tear. We see AJ and Daniel Bryan’s ceremony. Off to the video tape.
AJ says that was the best moment of her life and the best thing that happened to her. She had it taken away. She lost it. She lost everything because of one man . . . John Cena. Dolph Ziggler comes out to comfort his little cupcake. Ziggler says that he will get revenge on what Cena has done. Inside a steel cage, he proves to the world and to John Cena that he is too damn good.
When he wins tonight, it was the greatest show stealing performance in the history of Raw.
Jim Ross makes his way to ringside to call the main event.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Seven: Dolph Ziggler (with Big E Langston and AJ Lee) versus John Cena in a Steel Cage Match
Ziggler goes for the door but Cena stops him and Cena with a side head lock. Cena blocks the door so Ziggler cannot escape that way. Ziggler climbs the cage and Cena stops him. Cena with a punch and Irish whip. Cena blocks a kick and gets a near fall after a suplex. Cena with a side head lock and shoulder tackle. Ziggler with a drop kick for a near fall.
Ziggler with kicks and then he sends Cena into the cage. Ziggler with a splash into the corner followed by a neck breaker. Ziggler with a second neck breaker. He goes for a third one but he takes too long and Cena gets Ziggler on his shoulders. Ziggler with a jawbreaker and he gets a near fall.
Ziggler tries for another drop kick but Cena catches Ziggler and catapults him and Ziggler lands on the cage and he climbs to the top. Cena stops him and sends Ziggler back into the ring. Cena starts to climb but Ziggler grabs Cena’s leg and they fight on the top rope. Ziggler with punches and Cena with a head butt. Ziggler with punches and Cena goes to the mat. Cena hits the ropes and Ziggler is crotched.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Cena tries to climb the cage but Ziggler follows him to the top of the cage. Cena hangs from the top of the cage but he is able to pull Ziggler back inside the cage. Ziggler with a drop kick on the top rope. We see Big E Langston keep Cena from getting to the floor and he allows Ziggler to keep Cena inside the cage.
Ziggler sends Cena into the cage. Cena avoids going into the cage and he punches Ziggler. Cena with two flying shoulder tackles followed by the Blue Thunder Bomb and he hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. Cena gets Ziggler on his shoulders for the Attitude Adjustment but Ziggler gets to the cage. Cena pulls Ziggler down and tries for the Attitude Adjustment again. Ziggler escapes and he hits a superkick and gets a near fall.
Ziggler crawls for the door but Cena is able to grab the feet. Langston decides to play tug of war with Ziggler. Cena pulls Ziggler into the cage and tries for the STF but Ziggler counters into a sleeper. Cena gets to his feet and he starts to climb the turnbuckles and up the cage. Ziggler is able to bring Cena to the mat. Ziggler climbs the cage while Cena goes out the door. Ziggler sees Cena going for the door and Ziggler stops Cena.
Cena kicks Ziggler away and Cena goes for the door again. Langston pushes the door into Cena’s head and Ziggler covers but only gets a two count. Ziggler goes through the door while Cena climbs the cage. Cena kicks the door and Ziggler falls into the ring.
Langston hits the cage with a chair to keep Cena inside. Ziggler with a Zig Zag for a near fall. Ziggler climbs the cage while Cena is down. Ziggler gets to the top and Cena gets on the ropes. They are on the top rope and Cena pulls Ziggler down to the mat. Ziggler leaps to the turnbuckles and hits a DDT and can only get a near fall.
Meanwhile, outside the ring, AJ freaks out and attacks the announce table. AJ decides to climb the cage. Cena attacks Langston and Ziggler accidentally hits Langston with the briefcase that Langston brought into the ring. Cena with Attitude Adjustment for the three count while AJ sits on the top of the cage.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, AJ sits on the top of the cage and she has ‘that look’ on her face.
We go to commercial.
We are back and it is time for the Rock Concert.
He says that it has been an amazing night. It is an honor to close this night out. This brought back some amazing memories. He remembers his first time on Raw. He came out looking like the biggest badass the world had ever seen. Straight beast and we see a photo of Rocky Maivia. He sees the photo and wonders what was he thinking. He looked like an escaped mental patient trying out for the Backstreet Boys. He says that looking at that photo, you can overcome anything if you put your mind to it.
Tonight is not about the past, it is about the present. It is the return of the Rock Concert to Houston, Texas. His first song is a song sung to the tune of Heartbreak Hotel.
It is for someone who really really deserves it.
The Rock knows all the divas, but one thinks she’s the best. The one who wears an ugly suit and has big floppy breasts. His name is Paul Heyman. He’s so ugly, make you cry.
When you run down the people, Rock knows your secret fears, your fat covers up your little penis that you haven’t seen in years.
It is time for song number two, but mentions a special guest. He introduces Dusty Hill from ZZ Top.
Rock wants to know how the ladies are doing tonight.
Rock says that his favorite curve on a woman is her smile.
He says that there is a special woman he wants to sing to tonight.
Rock says that it isn’t cookie puss. He wants Vickie Guerrero to come out.
Late in the evening, she’s wondering what clothes to wear. She puts on her makeup, she brushes that short black hair. And then she’ll ask me, do I look alright. And I say, no biatch, you look horrible tonight.
You abuse all your power. Waste everybody’s time. You dress like a hooker. Not the expensive kind. Get your ass to the airport, take a one way flight because biatch, you look horrible tonight.
It is time to talk about kicking ass. He wants to call out somebody right here and right now. He calls out CM Punk.
Punk does not come out at first but eventually he makes his way to the stage with the official WWE Title belt over the head holder. Punk takes over for Paul.
Rock says that he has some facts. For 421 days, no one has been able to stop him. Fact, that man beside Punk has Twinkie Tits. Last week, Punk said that facing him would be like boxing with God. Fact, Punk ain’t God. As God is his witness, in thirteen days, he will beat Punk for the WWE Title.
Punk gives the title belt back to Paul.
Punk runs to the ring and they fight on the floor around the ring. Referees try to separate Punk and Rock. Punk breaks away from the officials and he goes after Rock.
We go to credits.